Over the past few years, I discovered you lied to me about many things but certain LIES stood out from the rest.
Those lies are much worse than the Santa Claus incident and Tooth Fairy stunt you pulled off years ago. I have organized these terrible, horrendous lies into a short list:
When I stop hearing young women arguing how people’s lack of fashion sense is a bigger issue than the current financial crisis and when I stop hearing young men boasting how they ‘own’ companies in different countries or exaggerating any of their accomplishments, I might re-consider my position.
They’re young you say? Not fully mature? Wait, this isn’t a level up gauge bar like my Final Fantasy games!
Okay! Then how about when they become parents? Ma, when was the last time you heard another parent showing off their spawn? Hell, when was the last time another adult boasted about their accomplishments to everyone?
Yeah thought so.
2. Adults don’t get jealous:
Seriously? Ma, I have a database of issues I’d like to go through. They are also alphabetical for your convenience!
We can start we B, from Beauty to Bonuses? Or maybe you’d prefer E, start off with Education to extra-curricular activities (the one you immediately thought of and the more ‘sporty’ one…wait that can be misinterpreted). Or S? From…*wink wink nudge nudge* to Spouses or how about Success? C, Children. Who has smarter/better spawn? Oh, already mentioned that.
3. Work hard and you’ll get what you want: I work very hard in procrastinating while doing papers but I still end up doing them! Yet, when I don’t procrastinate and work to write epic stories to dazzle my audiences, I end up writing nothing.
4. As you grow older, you’ll become more humble:
Have you ever seen how masters’ students act after they graduate? Hell, have you ever seen someone act when they get their first ‘official’ job?
Not old enough?
Ma, do you remember the last family reunion?! It was like watching a bunch of high schoolers who somehow became the product of a deadly concoction of teen fangirls gossiping about anyone in sight and jersey shore boys flexing their financial muscles sprinkled with cultural pressures and expectations.
Okay, okay, yes Ma that was mean. I take it back. I’m sorry.
Well, the last family reunion was more like-
How could you, Ma? How could you?
As an amateur writer I have a sworn duty to accurately portray human nature! No matter what!