Tag Archives: movies

Pseudo Pornos, Lusty Undergrads and a bad Tv show: The unofficial tale of Sex and the City

Once a upon a time, when I was a wee undergrad, I wanted to watch a funny show. This was in the dark ages before the Big Bang Theory brought us hope and light.

Of finding funny tv-show

On finding funny TV-show

All my friends told me about this one series I should watch.

“Hey you should watch Sex and the City!” One said with glee. The other jumped in and agreed.

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I was hesitant by the name and wondered what kind of game they were playing. After all, these were my friends, they watched Dexter and other shows we all liked. If Game of Thrones had been aired, we’d all be rejoicing how Viserys got his golden hair.

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“Dear friends,” I asked, “it does not sound like something I’d watch.”

“OH!” the other jumped in. “For it is! It is about the stereotypes women have to deal with, ignore the title, that’s part of the issue,” she said with a mischievous smile.

I was convinced at that point and figured I should give it a try. They love Dexter, I kept telling myself.

I couldn't help bringing in two of my favorite references

I couldn’t help bringing in two of my favorite references

They lent me the first DVD and said the beginning was poor.

“But that is to be expected, for this was their pilot!” I nodded at my friend. Some shows need to get their ground before coming around to great rating expectations.

“How many episodes shall I watch then?” I questioned examining the DVD. I had a feeling I should throw it away, but I thought maybe it was just my dismay at the title.

“Three, or five, and then you’ll be hooked! It won’t be long before you ask for another box set!”

So I went to my dorm and ordered pizza, while I waited, I decided to watch and hope for a laugh.

I sat and watched and wondered why, the first scenes were erotica not story at all. It’s probably just for ratings.

After two episodes, I got distracted.

Eating was more important

The pizza was delicious

After the third episode, I was downright uncomfortable.

According to the laws of the internet and Vamp from Metal Gear, at any moment someone will walk in

According to the laws of the internet and Vamp from Metal Gear, at any moment someone will walk in…

I managed my escape from the horrendous show, by playing dead in case Sarah Jessica Parker became the Ring girl.

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The next day I went to my friends and returned the DVD.

“Did you like it???” They asked with hope in their voices.

“There’s video stores, there’s movies, and there’s books. But if you wish to continue lying to yourselves, just rely on one place where no one can judge you for watching, there’s always dear old HBO, or YouTube. Hell just type in on Google!”

I learned something that day as my friends pleaded me to torture myself through another two episodes.

Yes, we know Sex sells. But it can never replace character development, plot and have a better story for audiences. Sex is overused and often undermined now that we have to take it a bit ‘extreme’ to get it noticed. Or more importantly, people to watch.

‘Tis the end of my sad tale. About being lied to about series which discussed several issues.

Instead I got fooled into watching a porno with the dark lighting making it erotica and with dialogue making it a story.

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Accurate Story Titles: The case with Disney’s Princesses Part 3

My problem with Disney isn’t the adjusted-fairy-tales-to-suite-much-younger-audiences-and-have-happier-endings. Please read the original tales, they were quite bloody making them AWESOME.

DisneyHarryPotter

It’s how certain themes from these movies were reinforced in other media. ‘Grown-up’ media.


220px-Our_Family_Wedding
220px-Maid_in_manhattan

I'll be launching an attack on Sex and the City soon.

I’ll be launching an attack on Sex and the City soon.

And of course, we as the younger generation might say ‘oh those are just movies, they aren’t real’. They’re just movies after all!

Your basis for lying in a relationship about your background

Your basis for lying in a relationship about your background

Out of all the Disney Princesses, Aladdin isn’t that bad. Mainly because its about a guy who fell in love at first lust and got the opportunity (or lamp) to be with the woman he got a boner for.

Now we’ve all heard it before, trust is important in a relationship. We hear many couples getting a divorce because one lie got out of hand.

Kids, don't lie. This might happen.

Kids, don’t lie. This might happen.

Also, um. Aladdin, you look rather fit and well fed. You couldn’t get a job? Start from scratch? Become a rich merchant that might be able to marry the princess? Seriously?

Dude. With your skills, you could make something of yourself. You’re spoiled  and waiting for an opportunity to achieve your goal just like…just like-

Its a scary realization when you come to this conclusion....

OMG! Its a scary realization when you come to this conclusion….

I’m not even going to bother myself with the cultural inaccuracies, issues and stereotypes. I don’t want to break another wall and email Disney why they should pay for it.

Okay princess, your turn.

Jasmine is spoiled and doesn’t know what she wants. One minute she says she doesn’t want to marry just anyone. Next minute, she wants to leave the palace then returns. About the whole marrying who you want to dear Jasmine,

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Don’t ignore me. And don’t use Hobbes’ cousin against me.

Throughout the movie, it seems like you did have a choice. All you had to do was sit and wait till the one you liked came along. If not, you had a loyal tiger to do your bidding.

Seriously, don’t argue with me. Look at Aladdin. You were smitten by him and he came to your home as a suitor. In other movies and series with princesses, they usually didn’t have a choice in the matter.

She didn't have a choice but she made um...the most of things.

She didn’t have a choice but she made um…the most of things.

Actually, Cersei Lannister (she’s the best character to love to hate) did make a good point at the end of the second season and during the third book (hopefully will be covered in upcoming episodes). She said how unfair it was to be a woman and that she had no choice in any affairs. If you remember season 1,

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Dead King Robert had suggested the idea of a marriage between Sansa and the abomination Joffrey. It was up to Ned Stark to decide. Sansa didn’t have her direwolf to go and chew up Joffrey (if she didn’t want him). Though that would be a scene I’d love to see.

Aladdin and Jasmine will probably get a divorce. And need to split the kingdom in half.

NEXT!

Disney's PR campaign

Disney’s PR campaign

I am not even going to touch this topic. Except its a DVD PR campaign and remember, she was recently added. I wonder why.

Disney_Princess_2013_lineup

Lately…there’s been quite a few ‘campaigns’ to deter certain stereotypes, add more culture and change women’s roles.

Just sayin'

Just sayin’

You know, Disney needed a ‘contrast’ from this:

Again, why you should leave wills and laws to protect your children

Again, why you should leave wills and laws to protect your children

Until next time kids-

The final rant continues with a special look at Pocahontas and Rapunzel!


Accurate Story Titles: A special case for Mulan

Fun fact kids!

The great wall of China

The Great Wall of China actually took quite some time to be built. Some of the walls were built as early as the 7th Century B.C. The one that we all know and love to visit (and comment to your mother that you are in fact standing on a large graveyard), was built between 220-206 BC as the great Wikipedia gods have told me. (If I’m wrong guys, please email/comment so I may correct this information.)

So, uh, Shan Yu

Yes, you, good sir. The one with the demonic eyes and the evil animal sidekick

Yes, you, good sir. The one with the demonic eyes and the evil animal sidekick

I have some rather concerning issues regarding your invasion of China, I have prepared a list for you so we can get straight to the point:

  • Why did you wait for the Great Wall to be completed? I’ve walked on that thing and I must say, climbing through those mountains then seeing a big ass wall on the mountain top would make me say to my buddy “we don’t realllllyyyy need to conquer China do we?” Plus amassing a whole army to climb the Great Wall would be a tad bit…I dunno…
Noticeable?

Noticeable?

Like, how did you carry your horses? Supplies and all that? If you did, and decided to take the really long ass scenic route, damn someone would’ve noticed by now. According to the original ballad of Mulan, she fought for twelve years. Maybe you spent that time getting your logistics sorted?

  • Killing the emperor only. Seriously? That’s your plan? Um, sorry kids but it was well known the Emperors had gardens/mazes dedicated to the Emperor playing games (no, not that kind perverts) with his concubines (which at that point you hear your mother asking the tour guide what about the Empress?). Let’s not forget, they had several children. So..um…See my point?
  • Your whole army gets killed and a handful of you go off into enemy central? You’re quite….well…obvious you’re not from around here. Plus what would that accomplish, kill the emperor and any successors. Then what? Oh and ever heard of army morale?

I could go on but…

Your bird is giving me a weird look

Your bird is giving me a weird look. And about your eyes, I know a good Doctor who can check that out…

Okay, so about Mulan…

Technically, she isn’t a princess. Disney added her as a princess I guess to negate certain issues. Although she did marry a General, she still is not a princess.

Mulan

Disney could have justified its decision in making Mulan a princess if they made General Shang one of the Emperor’s sons. Then again,

We couldn't use the wise old king trope

We couldn’t use the wise old king trope

In Hua Mulan, the man Mulan fell in love with was one of the Emperor’s son (number 7 I think).

Okay, that’s it. End of story.

Nope. I still have issues.

What I wanted to point out in this special ‘interlude’ was the different  interpretations of Mulan. I’ll forget about Disney’s list of wrong  assumptions. Seriously guys, if her family owns that land and let’s face it, it looks like she’s from a ‘rich’ well moderately rich family, she’d have more brothers and sistersandwhatthehellseriouslyguys?Alsoculturalintepretationsjustbecauseshewentagainstsociety’snormsdoesn’tmeaneverysinglecharacterhastobeloveableclumsythatisjusttheshortcuttotheaudiencelikingher!Whatiswrongwithyou-

ARGGHHHH

ARGGHHHH

I feel better now.

Anyways, Disney took what I’d like to call the ‘standard’ route to introduce Western audiences to an unfamiliar culture and time period.

Heroine is against cultural norms, therefore lovably clumsy but smart, does something drastic to protect her father, goes to war, triumphs. Also, the war looked like it didn’t last too long.

Now have a look at this trailer:

I’ve watched this movie recently and although it has certain issues I’d love to discuss, I think it had something more to offer older audiences regarding the original legend. How being at war for 12 years affected the heroine as well as the ultimate decision she made at the very ending. It isn’t a happy ending, more like bittersweet, when you think about the implications of her decision but I won’t spoil it.

I could write a whole PhD thesis on what’s wrong with the Disney movie but-

Hey, that’s an idea!


Nostalgia Critic best sums up Twilight

A blogger discussing Twilight these days is as old of tale as “Once a upon a time, an internet troll started a flame war”. It’s a dangerous risky domain for any blogger to enter.

Proceed with Caution

I made this sign 😀 I’m so proud!

But if you’re a MANLY blogger, you have to go. You have to get your numbers up. You have to piss off half the internet at one point in your blogging life. This doesn’t mean you can’t proceed with caution.

1001 things to do on the internet before you die: Contribute to the One does not simply Meme. CHECK!

1001 things to do on the internet before you die: #24 Contribute to the One does not simply Meme. CHECK!

Sooner or later I was bound to write about it and contribute to the discussion without sounding like the two most popular arguments:

I couldn't find a 'good' argument pic for Twilight

I couldn’t find a ‘good’ argument pic for Twilight. I don’t want to try too hard.

The only argument I can find for the ‘good’ part is the usual escapism stuff.

Yes, we know, we know:

Twilight is popular and the sales figures speak for themselves.

Twilight is bad because it sets women back 100 years (I agree).

All these arguments have been said and written, discussed and fought over long before a certain blogger decided to enter the scene.

Before I go on, I’d like you to watch Nostalgia Critic’s short editorial piece on Twilight

I’ll just…help myself to avoiding my PhD work in the meantime.

How to avoid PhD work

Done?

I agree for the most part with the Nostalgia Critic. He mentions towards the end of the video that (I’m paraphrasing here) ‘for every moron that believes Twilight represents what life is, dozens are moving on’.

I don’t agree there Mr. Nostalgia Critic.

Last post I linked everyone to a certain book which discusses how media does affect young people.

Yes, people do move on and do change, however, people unconsciously believe what the media portrays there is some underlying truth applicable to their life.

Maybe you don’t believe me. Fair enough. So I’ll ask you this, just observe the people around you and yourself. Especially when it comes to their love life.


Attention all writers: Before making your characters fall in love, first learn about Stockholm syndrome

There’s a reason why I don’t like most mainstream romances.

Its not their impracticality.

Its not their perfect endings.

Its not the unrealistic sex scenes everyone wants to try out.

Its the (in)direct applications of psychological issues.

How many movies/books have you seen where the girl is kidnapped by the ‘hero’ and after a few days of impromtu-togetherness-time they fall in love?

I expect to be killed by school girls and nostalgic young women tomorrow

“Blogger killed by Disney school girl fans and nostalgic young women” is tomorrow’s headline

A while back I published on this blog the ultimate writer list which had two rules I’d like to follow up on:

“22. Stockholm syndrome does not mean its true love.

23.When writing a romance piece, I will pretend that the male character is not in love with the female and if he sounds like a stalker/murderer/rapist, then I will rewrite the story.” (Myself, THERE APA! HAPPY? YOU WILL NOT HAUNT ME HERE)

Stockholm Syndrome happens when hostages express positive emotions, empathy and sympathy towards their captors/kidnappers. This syndrome has been widely discussed in media and stats show that a majority of victims do not associate with their kidnapper/captor. Despite the criticisms and stats of Stockholm syndrome, I think its important for any author to keep a mental note of it.

Objectively speaking, stories are generally about the exceptional characters in sometimes exceptional circumstances in whatever world the author has built. Many ‘romance’ stories have been built using the trope of kidnapping someone and then falling in love. By definition, these characters are the exception to the rule.

And most likely to suffer from Stockholm Syndrome.

If you think tropes like these (among several others) are harmless, think again.

Before writing any romance genre, please read this first.

Before writing any romance story, please read this first.

References and other links to look at:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1920301,00.html

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AbductionIsLove

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Romance-Mass-Media-Communication/dp/0805848320


Your Protege and You: The awarding experience of being a Vampire parent

Last post I mentioned I would be posting something about vampires since ‘paranormal romance’ and all that jazz has made it cool. I thought it was about time I made my belated contribution.

Congratulations new Vampire parent(s)!

Welcome to one of the most rewarding experiences in your everlasting journey of eternal youth and beauty! You have bitten your first protege and deemed them worthy to be a vampire, but the transition from human to vampire isn’t as easy as a simple bite.

It takes the most patient, fair but strict vampires to create a model vampire to enter human society unnoticed until the damn vampire hunters come sniffing around

To help you and protege foster a relationship of love and equality, here are a few guidelines taken from the book!

The golden rule in this guide is never change your human-lover-and-part-time-snack into your protege. Its like falling in love with the dreamy bad boy at school. Its a phase and it never lasts. Several vampire psychologists have written books on the subject.

1. New vampires, or baby vampires, are the embodiment of two of the most sinister creatures between heaven and earth: The human baby and the hormonal teenager who is misunderstood.

5. Your protege is going through supernatural puberty. He/she thinks they know better than you and they can control their urges.

10. When they get out of control, use your complimentary gloves and gas mask with this book to place garlic outside their room. Its for their own good. Tough love is a good thing.

17. Your protege will exhibit similar symptoms of bi-polarism, called by Vampire Standford students as ‘supernatural-polarism’.

Your protege will one minute try to be human and next minute he/she is having a frat house blood binge with all the cool new proteges.

18. Do not let your protege hang out with the cool protege from next castle/mansion/house/bar. They’re magnets for smart humans with sharp wooden tools and vampire hunters.

25. Do not try to break up your protege’s relationship with the vampire hunter.It’ll only strengthen their resolve to kill you. Instead encourage the relationship, and pretend to admire your protege’s strength for holding onto his/her humanity with the vampire hunter.

Sooner or later, she/he’s going to get hungry for the rare blood steak that is called vampire hunter. Remember why there aren’t many vampire hunters? They’re a delicacy.

28. Let them hang out with the responsible protege of that nice vampire that invited you to dinner last decade.

55. Never underestimate a good hunting trip together. It will deepen your relationship.

98. Always teach your protege the value of a human who’s a health freak. They eat organic and exercise regularly making them much more nutritious for your protege’s needs.

Statistics from the underground Harvard vamp-med school show proteges who eat humans on an organic diet become much stronger and pass through supernatural puberty faster than proteges who didn’t.

For more great tips on how to raise your protege, please purchase the book!

Yes.

I expect many angry emails.


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